Driving Makes You Ugly

I've been a SAHM for oh-2 years now. And sometimes I feel it's been my whole life. I don't read newspapers anymore. I don't want TV and I don't talk or chat with people my age. My mind has festered and that worries me. My only source of information is what I get in my e-mail. Thank god for egroups. Otherwise, my world would be full of Barney and Blue. oh blue barney!

This week, I went back into the classrom in an attempt to expand my mind -took a few workshops at PCCI. Somehow I want to prep myself for life after toodlerhood and the eventuality of jumping back into the workforce. It was good. It was bad. It was ugly.

Good. I got to meet new people (some photographers, lots of designers, and a few anime geeks), and learn new things (esp those pesky Photoshop shortcuts).

Bad. I missed what I was missing. Being OUT THERE and working and do what I do best. Bad because I also missed my baby at home, in the arms of another woman.

Ugly. Fear, anxiety and self doubt. Was I good enough? Does my artwork looks copied, too Warhol-y perhaps? Better not let them see.

On my way to the center, I drove to and from Makati at the height of rush hour. Was I an idiot or was everybody else? My brow furrowed, my lips pursed, my knuckles clenched. I inwardly cursed at every friggin jaywalker, commuter, vendor, bus, jeep and pedicab that got in my way. Having been so long away from the real world, in the sanctity of my home - I was shielded from the horrors of the Makati commute.

The workshop is over, I return to all things safe and sound.